Trust The Process—Dr. Renee Koval
Everything we do in life is a process. How we learn is a process, how we grow from childhood into adulthood is a process, even how we process information is a process! Our life, from birth to death, is a process. One definition of process is “a systematic series of actions directed to some end” (Dictionary App, 2021). It’s easy to get lost in the process. We face struggles and disappointment and sometimes experience loss. People talk about letting go, moving on, or learn how to forgive, but no one seems to talk about how. Yes, there is a process to the process.
The learning part is pretty straightforward. We understand there are steps to take or stages to go through to get to the end goal, but how do we keep doing it? How do we keep looking forward when there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight? We have to trust the process. Being able to trust the process means letting go of any fears or doubts. It means letting go of the “what if…” thoughts in our heads. “Trust involves giving up control and accepting vulnerability, with the expectation of being protected from harm” (Foster, R., (2018). Horses, Humans, and Trust. Retrieved from thehorse.com on September 12, 2020).
Many of us are grieving for various reasons. This past year has brought on many kinds of loss. I thought about the process of life and the need to trust it. To trust there is a greater power that has a plan. When I trust this, I do not need to question the reasons. It doesn’t matter how the person died or how old they were. I can accept and trust the process of life. I don’t have to like it. I can be sad or mad about it. Grief is a powerful thing, and it too is a process. Sometimes to trust the process you need to forgive the process. “Forgiveness is hard because the hurt mattered. Forgiving someone [something] doesn’t mean you trust them [it]. It means you are no longer depending on them[it] to right the wrong. You are releasing them [it] from owning you” (TikTok, 2021).
Renee Koval, DNP, RN, PMHNP-BC, is the director of the psychiatric mental health practitioner program and assistant professor of nursing.